Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
