First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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