When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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