It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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