it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
