If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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