I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
