At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
