Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
