Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
