that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone came in the potted fern
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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