I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Randomize