I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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