I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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