Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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