i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
