fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize