Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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