dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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