Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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