wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
