yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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