I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
