Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
