Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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