Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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