you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
