it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
