i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
