i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
