I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
