its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
