Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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