U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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