My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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