Cold hands, warm shart.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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