i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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