I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
