I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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