I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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