I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
