He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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