I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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