His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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