Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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