oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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