Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
