I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
