Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
