I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
