Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
