Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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