I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
