Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
