he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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