You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize