Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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