They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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