All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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