problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
