my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
