Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
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