I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
