We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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