I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize