I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Of course I have a pirate flag
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize